With Christmas coming and guest a plenty rocking through the door, thought I'd share a tip or two...
Tip one: Easy fill of the bean bag: You'll need one bean bag, a bag of beans, plastic drink bottle, tape....
Method: Have the vacuum cleaner handy...cut drink bottle top off 2" from top and remove bottom...stand bag of beans on it's butt and cut enough of the corner of so drink bottle fits snuggly...tape into place...with a helper...open bean bag and insert 'funnel' pouring beans in...and wangchung.
p.s...yes doggy we know about (.(.'s
If you find one of those in your back yard .. Your kids have been up to no good....
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach the wife to mow the lawn and i'll bugger off kiting. Now thats a helpful home hint.
No toothpicks? This only works if you're not a nail biter, but just bite off a nail and use it to get in between. ;)
Bachelor home hints-
Toilets are self cleaning.
You get all your body needs from a banana for breakfast, a pie and beer for lunch, and a pie and beer for dinner.
You only need one plate for 2 - 3 days if you plan the 'wettest or stickiest' meal for last. Even better, if the dog licks it you only need to rinse the plate.
Pretty much anything can be hosed off if it is a sunny day. Scrubbing is for suckers.
You save a lot of money on water if you pee in the garden.
Thongs for summer, uggies for winter. No more shoes are required than that really is there?
All the above tips will save u enough to buy lots of wind/kitesurfing gear.
I hate those beans in those fked up bean bags ,you come anywhere near my house car or property and you wont see chrismas.
im still cleaning up the bastards 10 years on
^^^^^ and nobody should put them out on a verge collection
other wise the whole street enjoys them
Helpful hint...Burnt on roast in the roasting pan
soak over night with laundry detergent. 
bean bag storytime
Whilst attending tafe there was a naughty bloke who thought it would be funny to undo the zip on 1 of 2 bean bags and then go and convince another guy that jumping on the bean bags was/is fun. Naughty dude then proceeded to jump on the zipped up been bag whilst the other guy jumped on the unzipped one. half a second later there was a blizzard full of laughin people and one very angry teacher!
A pressure cleaner and truck wash will get rid of grime on dishes quicker than a dishwasher.
You can also pressure clean your bathroom toilet and laundry !
beanbag story.
mate was sitting infront of open fireplace in share house, goes to kitchen to get a beer, log rolls out sets fire to bean bag
little hot flaming beans shooting all over lounge , even sticking to roof. Its very hard to laugh and put out a fire that is attacking you, and the mate refused to use his beer to put out the fire.
It was a great house for fires, we had a washing machine burn down the laundry, and finally somebody lit a fire in the other fire place, the one that was plugged and had mortar cracks in the roof space. that was the one that took the house
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
Sell your home and buy silver with the money
Then move into a bunker and sit the rest of this week out
On Monday use some of the silver to make a silver-foil helmet
Next week, not only will you become stinkling rich, but you will be the only person left on the planet
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Make your girlfriend cry when you're having sex by phoning her up and telling her.
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
Bus drivers. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.
International master criminals. Tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your base, or leave him in the custody of attractive women in bikinis.
tip two:
If ya really wanna get one up on that dick head at work....by some stinking hot curry for a team lunch, wait for the tosser to go to the toilet and slip a chunk of bait fish into his car air filter ( works best during summer ) whilst he's enjoying his time in the small room...cut a fresh 'birds eye' chilli and rub it on the receiver of his phone...give it a good squeeze...get the juice out...dab dry...wait for a while for the sweat to come back and call him...
You may be a man down for the rest of the day.
GIRLS. MAKE people think you are a nurse by growing a massive arse.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
OLD PEOPLE. Each night, go to sleep in the recovery position, potentially saving paramedics valuable time.
AMERICANS. Build your houses out of bricks and mortar instead of cheap wood to avoid having them destroyed by hurricanes every few weeks.
FATTIES. Avoid your torso being surreptitiously filmed and used in a TV news report about the countries obesity problem by always wearing a T-shirt with 'All Newsreaders are W@nkers' written on it.
A POST-IT note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal deterrent to lip-readers.
CONVINCE bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your @rse before holding the glass close to their nose.
