Forums > General Discussion   Shooting the breeze...

The Friday Thread

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Created by Leech > 9 months ago, 14 Sep 2007
Leech
WA, 1933 posts
7 Dec 2007 2:11PM
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Got this in my email today as did probably most of you. But for the others:

Obligatory Office Equipment (OOE)

"Keep On Smiling"

Another sensational idea for office equipment!

?Workload getting to you ?
?Feeling stressed ?
?Too many initiatives "cascading" down?

Here is the new low cost way to cope!


Take 2 paperclips and 3 elastic bands.

Fig 1.

Assemble them as shown on the picture.

Fig 2.









Apply the construction as visualized in fig 3.

Fig 3.

Enjoy your day.
This obligatory office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day with a smile on your face!

Leech
WA, 1933 posts
18 Jan 2008 2:48PM
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A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife. I came across a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the
same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.

All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...

I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst", when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#...

that hurt!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles.

I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

jp747
1553 posts
18 Jan 2008 7:37PM
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you on the pic leech??if you are i don't think you need those bands to hold them high just got an email from herbylyn from this forum and at 71yrs. he sure knows how to shred and fast. now for a friday thinking about him i didn't procastinate but headed for the closest beach and did a quick kite..

stribo
QLD, 1628 posts
18 Jan 2008 9:30PM
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OK who's out there? who's having a few drinks and trolling seabreeze?

Wineman
NSW, 1412 posts
18 Jan 2008 11:03PM
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not me

monster
TAS, 495 posts
18 Jan 2008 11:59PM
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guilty as charged

stribo
QLD, 1628 posts
18 Jan 2008 11:01PM
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mineral1
WA, 4564 posts
18 Jan 2008 10:13PM
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no bloody wind then,A

stribo
QLD, 1628 posts
18 Jan 2008 11:15PM
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Plenty wind tommorrow mineral

Who's going to be at lano tomorrow then?
I will be sailing south passage for the late session ...by the look of the level of my bottle of JD

mineral1
WA, 4564 posts
18 Jan 2008 10:36PM
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Woodies for me tomorrow. Maybe Sunday for Lano



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Forums > General Discussion   Shooting the breeze...


"The Friday Thread" started by Leech