Hey Eppo,
Feel for you man, despite being woman free right now... but I think you need to re-think your position and think about this under a new angle... Need to put your man power all in and suck it up to come up with the right tactical move!
It is obvious that she does not rate kiting, think of it as childish. As she spends heaps of time with her friend it is safe to assume she somewhat compares you to the her friend's hubbies and it is possible she's jealous...
Need to understand that she feels that kiting is like a mistress to you, she is jealous that you rate it so highly in your life... You need to reverse that feeling by reinforcing that it is not competition to her and also that she's lucky you could be cheating on her but instead just kite...
You might not be paternal but if you get the chance spend a lot of time with the kids when no wind or free time (instead of doing other things) teach them stuff help with homework... Talk with them... Make her feel you are part of the family. You care and sometimes yeah, suck it up and play scrabble.
In the end it's your life and I'm not trying to tell you how to live it but it is obvious that you need to re-think your outlook cause it ain't making you both happy. There is a middle ground: involves dates, flowers, sharing chores and raising the kids... not one against the other but together without one dominating the other...
OR fark it altogether go kitting and let her moan and just not care anymore...
Based on one of the links you listed Eppo I found these.
I watched them and went ..... ahhhhhh! Thats why she does what she does... and why i do what i do. it answered a lot of questions i have.
Now i gota get the missis to watch them so she can understand.
Funny when I take the year 12 boys for a briefing on the year 12 ball I always show this vid and even at that age they go oh sh1t that's why she does this and said that etc. it's line a light bulb goes off. Interestingly they then act as gentleman through the night. They also tell me during the year how much it's helped with their relationships with their girlfriends, sisters and mother.
Maybe I need to watch them again and learn from my own lessons! Lol.