50 Shades of Grey

^^^^
Thats gold

I just keep re reading it and laughing again..

Should publish that SP

The real thing is a dud . Arrived yesterday wifey read 5 chapters while I had a few rumbos and watched the AFL in preparation . And then , and then

I fell asleep , what can I say , boring game .

50 shades of grey did nothing for my sex life .
It's a dud

Books ??????? - pfffffffffft[}:)]

1. Some good chocolate - dark/white/milk chocoloate
2. Good quantity of Maraschino cherries , pre soaked in Galliano
3. Good quantity of Fresh Strawberries also pre-soaked in Galliano
4. Excellent quality bottle of Champers for her
5. The rest of the Galliano
* Optional Whipped Cream & Crushed Nuts

Pre-requisits: 1 x Female
Step 1: Chuck the cat & Hound out , flog any rugrats off to their Granders & lock the front door , close the curtains as Weiry may be on the prowl with his Bike-cam Melt chocolate and drizzle extravagantly on Female - careful its not too hot , she'll bitch & moan that you've deliberately burnt her the caper will be up
Step 2: place cheeries & strawberries any where ye please & add a liberal dash of the Galliano on top of these - it is at this stage you may add cream and crushed nuts are also good to make the tart a tastier morsel.
Step 3: Fill glassware to the brim with the good Champers (make sure the glass is spotlessly clean or she'll chuck a wobbly at ya and it'll be cactus for rastus)
Step 4: Roll out toungue and lick like shiz ..... do it tenderly and swiftly before she changes her mind and do not forget to tell her you love her at least twice or you got no hope
Step 5: If you fark up the above - there isn't one

^^^^^^^^^Time to call the plumber.

Boyfriend squirted partner with brown sauce when she refused to stop reading Fifty Shades of Grey

A man has appeared in court after taking revenge on his girlfriend who refused to stop reading the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey - by squirting brown sauce at her face. Raymond Hodgson, 31, was charged with common assault after being appalled to discover that his partner of five years, Emma McCormick, had been reading the racy book.
Carlisle Magistrates' Court heard how their tiff over the book escalated to the point where Hodgson, from Carlisle, Cumbria, decided take to his revenge.
In court, Hodgson pleaded guilty to the single charge of common assault.
Prosecutor Adrienne Harris said the couple began arguing on June 25 after McCormick began reading extracts from the best-selling novel by E L James - now the fastest selling book of the year.
The pair had been in a relationship for four or five years, though both still live with their respective parents.

Miss Harris said: "Mr Hodgson thought that the book was pornographic, and that she should not read such literature.
"The argument continued into the following day, with the two exchanging text messages."
That conversation, which included some discussion of private family issues, left Hodgson feeling angry.
Mrs Harris said: "He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce.
"She answered the door and the argument continued.
"She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce."
When interviewed by the police, Hodgson said he felt Fifty Shades of Grey was a 'distasteful' and 'pornographic' book.
Miss Harris said: "He said he had every intention of squirting sauce over Miss McCormick, but he now regrets having done this, realising how stupid it sounds.
"He didn't realise that the sauce incident would be classed as an assault. He is sorry for his actions."
Malcolm Dodds, defending, said his client denies slapping Emma McCormick.
He named the book the couple fell out over 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'
Mr Dodds said: "He lost his temper and went round to her home armed with a bottle of brown sauce, which he should never have done.
"Emma says it stung her eyes and it was all over the walls, which she had to clean up afterwards. I've spoken to Raymond and he's extremely sorry about it.
"He was angry that she suggested he slapped her because he hadn't. But they are now friends and they have been in touch with each other."
Passing sentence, District Judge Gerald Chalk said Hodgson's actions had clearly been intended to demean Miss McCormick.
He ordered that he should pay his victim £100 compensation and £85 towards prosecution costs.
The judge also imposed a 6pm to 8am curfew for the next six weeks and a six-month community order.
Asked about his views of the book after the case, Hodgson said he thought Fifty Shades of Grey was 'wrong'.
He said that he did what he did to Miss McCormick to show her what saucy really meant.

What exquisitely beautiful writing. 

No wonder the all de wimins get all frothy at the gussets

Ha ha, I was taking it down as you posted, it was a bit... Risqué

But well worth a look

Yeah and I didn't put up the real bad one either

I couldn't believe the filth that it was generating, every time you clicked the button it just spits out more ...

I loved this metaphor.

"I was wetter than an Italian cruise ship"

Oh lordy lordy I laughed.