Not my waterproof watch

I need a watch when I surf, especially on Sunday mornings when I need to make sure I'm at woolies by 8.30. I do have a very good waterproof watch, but I hate using it because it's too heavy. I'm not a fan of big chunky divers watches that do everything, I just want to see what the time is, I don't need to do calculus or find out what the day holds for my star sign.

So a few months back I was passing the swatch shop and I popped in and said, “I want a very simple lightweight watch with a plastic wrist band that I can use when I surf” I picked out the one in the pic for around 90 clams.





I get home and the old lady says “what'cha got in the bag, aresehole” I say “a new watch for when I surf, biatch”.

She takes one look at it and says, “it's 3 atmospheres you dumb arsed prick, it's no good for the water, it must be 5 atmospheres, trust me, I work in a Jewellery store, I know my sh!t”. I told her that the salesman said it was okay, so it should be good.

I won't bore you with the details of the 1.5 days of argument, silent treatment, and smart mouthed comments that followed, but it did include her printing off copious amounts of technical data that she insisted I must read and I insisted she must shove up her flat arse.

Here's the good bit, a couple of days later, I go for my first Saturday surf and with more than a little trepidation, I throw on the watch, finish the sesh, look at the timepiece and all is good. “okay” I say to myself, “one sesh doth not a case be made” so when I get home I keep it zipped.

Sunday, I'm into it again and sure enough, the watch is still good, that's good enough for me, I make sure I arrive a bit late to do the groceries and say to her, “sorry I'm late, the new watch broke and I lost track of time” instantly the eyes rolled, followed closely by a look self satisfaction frozen upon her dial. I then looked at my wrist and said “oh sorry, my mistake, not my waterproof watch is working perfectly, just like it did yesterday”.

Now I'll give this old girl credit, she's not one to give up easily, the countered with “just wait, it'll happen”.

The last 3 month have been bliss, without fail, every weekend I find some way to get in a cheap shot.

“ come on dear, hurry up, according to not my waterproof watch, we're going to be late.

Don't worry dear, I'll be there on time, I'm wearing not my waterproof watch”

Etcetera.

My daughter told me today that the missus is convinced I've bought about 4 of them to cover up the failure or I'm just taking them off before I go in the water, so if she's talking to the kids about it then it must be eating away at her.

Ahhh, life is good.

Thanks OBCT, that's funny...

Hope your watch lasts 20 years.

ahhhhh superb obs

Gold! The story that is, not the watch

fark that she'll take the poor bastard to the cleaners AND flush him dry

I wear a watch out as well OBCT . Don't know about tHe rest of you but I lose track of time when I am out so the watch keeps my time out under control . Also let's me get out between appointments and sTill be on time so that I can afford to keep surfing .
Surfing is a great escape but unfortunately work pays the bills . Unless you are lucky enough to be Tom Carrol and his mate .

Classic OBCT!!

Read it, pissed myself, Lise says What are you laughing about?"
Read it to her, she pisses herself.

Then says" Hang on why the hell aren't you home by 8:30 when you go surfing?????"

Damn you

Mine had a giggle too

Slightly of topic but On the schools holidays just gone my wife and kids went away and i sent on a strict budget. So anyway whilst they are away i decide i want a new surf board But i said no spend (stupid me) anyway whilst chatting/texting back and forth with the shaper he made a comment about about we "all have a hand break". Whilst pondering for a moment what he meant my wife looked over my shoulder. Anyway i guessed and started to laugh, she asked what it meant and very carefully i explained. She was insulted and said she does not hold me back and i should buy the board if i want. SO i did

Moral of the story, sometimes it pays to let your wife in on the joke, especially if its about them

Glad the watch is still going strong

You blokes are kidding,a watch to me is a tide watch who cares what the time is seriously my wife is in Melbourne and all she cares about is my happiness,thanks surfing

Bugger, poo, bum bugger

My missus was right,

It was the wrong watch

I would strongly advise putting that watch out of it's pain OB

Don't you hate it when the mrs is right .

This is getting soooooo much better

Coupl'a weeks ago it's Saturday morn and I grab not the waterproof watch to go for a surf, look at the date/time and they are well and truly rooted. I think "whoa, the old sheila was right" but I adjust it anyway and hit the beach, thus far, no more probs.

This morning we're walking the dog at longy and she says to me "what's the time?" not wanting to miss a good stab at her, I say "I'm wearing not my weatherproof watch so it's probably broken, let me check? Goodness me it's perfect, the time is 8:45"

Then she says "hasn't lost any time has it?"

That was my eureka moment, all the planets lined up and every thing clicked into place. We've been together 40 years and we can read each other like books.

The suffering was so great that she resorted to sabotage, I knew she was hurt'n I just didn't know she was hurt'n that much.

I replied with something along the lines of "it's usually pretty good unless someone spiteful tries to change the time".

Then the chorus started " I don't know what you're talking about. You're making things up because you know I'm right, and on and on and on"

The whole time I'm saying nothing, just standing there with a look on my face like a cat who just swallowed the canary

Ahhhhh, life is good.