The Man Rules
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You ' re a big girl. If it ' s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don ' t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It ' s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1.. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That ' s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you ' re fat, you probably are.
Don ' t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Chris topher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing ' s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
1. If you ask a question you don ' t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don ' t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don ' t ask us what we ' re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or League.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don ' t mind that? It ' s like camping.
Having been a wife for over 20 years I would say that is very accurate,
and would suggest it as compulsory reading for all brides.
Similar theme. I got in trouble the other day because I said cats were like little furry women.
Now my point is this. I didn't say which atributes of a cat I was talking about. Was it their independance, their athleticism, their cute and cuddly nature? I was howled down for being sexist, but I ask you, who was sexist? Now I'll state it right here, I actually like cats and we have two. Have a look at my avatar. It was just assumed I was being derogatory because I am male. That sounds like THEY were sexist not me.
OK rant over.
HUSBAND'S PHILOSOPHY #1
I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.....
If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.
Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?
Have to tell my bloke that one he'd love it ! Anything to shut me up.. 2nd thoughts I don't think it would work with me I'd just get louder!
But if the rules are so simple (we are simple beings after all) WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU PEOPLE FROM VENUS TO UNDERSTAND THEM!?!?
'1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. '
I've got a problem with this. &days in my books is a week and that's far to long to be held 'accountable' (on of my wifes favourite words).
I reckon we'll find consensus that 2 days or maybe three on the outside is long enough.
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. - YES ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH CLEANING.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. - YES ESPECIALLY IF SOMETHING WAS SAID IN THE HEAT OF AN ARGUMENT!
Check out some of Dave Chappelle's UTube videos on men/women!
PS: She right when she's right, she's right when she's wrong.
PPS: Build a ManShed and get some peace
ive managed to drive home the "1 thing at a time" policy too. that took a long time though.
great list!
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Kate and
Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John
will each throw in $20, even though it's only
for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they
want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the
pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the trash, answer the
phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and
funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use
in two people remembering the same thing!
"You have enough clothes".
I would add: "I have enough clothes".
Why should women want to dress their Norms. Is it a Barbie & Ken thing? A form of control, a remnant of the nesting reflex?
Overall old rehash but quite accurate. We're happy to let them be. They're not happy to let us be. We're happy if they go out shopping or play tennis. They ain't that we want to go windsurfing.
No biggie, after a few years these things reach a middle-point somehow, but it's an on-going battle.
Can I add another rule.
Minor changes to the colour or style of your hair will go unnoticed or will not attract comment. Unlike minor changes to your boobs.
Ive got heaps of clothes but most are 20 years old..I only get to go out a few times a year and Im not going to wear nice clothes around the property getting through barbwire fences , painting artworks etc ..guaranteed to wreck good clothes the first day..
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.
absolutely spot on.
(Me now single after 8 years) freedom tastes great.
oh god im getting married this year, after reading all this im not sure i want to now
