The deadwood of The SWAT Team have been discarded and after a brutal userping of the president of the club which has resulted in him being excluded from not only the team but also Australia, never to return. Only the essential body and heart of The Team remain. However, due to the temporary injury and inability to sail of a couple of key members the SWAT team will be accepting expressions of interest from new members.
Expressions must be submitted in calligraphy, handwritten triplicate of no less than 10 pages. The first 3 pages must convince the team of the severe badassery, dudership, and general wickedness of the applicant. Essential qualities include; the ability to appear dashing in a dinner suit at breakfast and be as drunk as a pirate by brunch yet as articulate as a diplomate by dinner, also be involved in group prostate massaging.
If the applicant manages to impress the applicant comity with their personal characteristics, then the applicant comity will read the next 5 pages on how the applicant (arrogantly) believes they could improve and build upon the already impressive SWAT team and carry on the long, prestigeous legacy.
The final, pages must be filled with artwork (photographs, paintings, and/or dioramas) of applicants of The SWAT Team surfing with their close personal friends Chuck Norris, Jet Lee, and Odin (Pierre) then the applicant must attempt to include themselves seamlessly in this situation without overshadowing or seeming insignificant.
Bonus points will be awarded for applications that pour their life blood into the pages, literally.
We would love to see your application in any form it may come.
The SWAT Team.
i recently recieved an invitation to join your team and was excited that i might be able to be part of such an exclusive team but cant meet any of the criteria listed and since finding out about group prostate massaging id rather keep my distance is this something you picked up while flying your kite ?
If I was going to join a team, this is the kind of high standard operation I would join. I don't however have a tiny arm mounted gps receiver.I do have a large Furuno cathode ray type GPS chartplotter which I can mount on my upper arm.(It's also a sonar fishfinder with a paper printout.) The only problem is the bulky nature of this setup makes it almost impossible to do a port Jibe...I also have an irrational fear of blue blubber jellyfish.
I would be overjoyed to partake in some pugilism and sado-masochism with the members of such an upstanding and quite remarkable brotherhood. Alas Mr Norris and I will be partaking in some Ales this morning before delivering an di-digit prostate examination at my mother in laws banquet for the forgotten millionaires in today's society.
So the short list is here. I know that many of you have been waiting for this with great anticipation. Please note that not all of the people on the list will be able to be accepted into the SWAT Dynasty. Be prepared for this to change your life, and your speed sailing career. For it is a good thing when you and your team members rock up to a speed strip to get some speed sailing done, as all the locals will flee from the speed strip as not to cause any trouble. Having private speed sailing sessions like this will guarantee you of improving your times.
So the lucky short listed people are as follows: (they are listed in order of who we think is best from the top)
- Scotty and Brad (you two won equal)
- Richard Steller
- Billy GI
- Chriso
- Rolz
- Jarrafe
- Skinny
- Da Vecta
- Geoff-R
- Ken Anning
- Simon100 (You would be higher up the list but the constant nagging on the beach to be permitted to join the SWAT team has put you down the bottom)
- Vando (Associate of SWAT)
Good luck to all. The selection team will be watching your sailing and your results over the next few weeks.
The final team position offerings will be announced in a few weeks time.
Good Luck to all!!!
Chris, Chris. I know you can't really help it. You and Shane are just lonely boys trying to make friends. It is quite obvious that you have slipped into a fantasy world. This is probably caused by isolation that has brought on severe depression and delusions. My advice is to seek medical help as soon as possible.
As a matriarch of lady sailors and a representative of GPSTC I feel it is my duty to try to steer you onto the right path. We don't want to lose you to the dark side. This talk of kiting in budgie smugglers really worries me.
I have jotted down some of my ideas. I hope they help
You mention discrimination laws but I see you have included no female sailors on your list.
I am impressed by your uniform ideas and pink is good for proving that you are in touch with your feminine side but I am not sure that other boys would enjoy being dressed in pink or understand your reasoning. if you insist on having a uniform I believe that all Lycra uniform would be a best. You only have to look on our roads to find wonderful options for your uniform. It won't be too expensive either as you probably already have a Lycra top.
I am not sure I understand all the talk about jellyfish.
In reality I feel there are only a couple of options open to you (forget about getting the cool kids to join you, they never will! )
1. Find some other sailers with no friends and ask then to join you
2 offer lessons to non windsurfers and sign them up as soon as you can
3 give up and join another team
4 Consider finding another sport where you will have lots of friends like football or cricket
5 get psychiatric help
Does SWAT stand for 'So Weak At That' by the way?
or 'Stultifying Wiggly Abominable Trolls?
I am still trying to understand that name...
^^^ I have it on good authority that it really means "Slow Wankers And Twats". They wont own up to it though.
Just because they dress in pink like bikies in prison this does not mean they are tough like bikies, only that they have the dress sense of bikies.
Attention all SWAT team members. There is a team meeting at the team club house tonight!!! 7:30 till late
Just to let all members and associates know, the SWAT Team Christmas dinner will be held next Wednesday night at The Wello. 7pm kick off. Word is that Vando might make an appearance