A tale of woe ((g) rated with a happy ending!)

I just thought I would tell you all a tale aimed at those beginners who really really suck..... There is always someone worse than you.

My kiting career started about february 2006 when I was out picnicing with a friend and a saw a kiter carving it up close to the shore and thought 'OH SNAP' that is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

I immediately went out and took a couple of lessons to the point where I was quite comfortably body dragging upwind and was ready to start a bit of boardriding. Being the poor bastard that I am I went and bought a cheap second hand 'C' kite, and keenly waited for some good wind towards the end of the season.... However in a galaxy far far away those intergalatic chumps that sit on the kiteboarding supreme council conspired against me killing any decent beginner winds and so I hung up my kite and crappy $150 board, that could quite easily be used as a blunt duelling weapon back in the dark ages and keenly waited for the start of the '07 season.

Winter came and went and I grinned with boyish pleasure at the thought of returning to the waves. I had read plenty of material regarding boardriding in the off season and was confident I didnt need any more lessons and I would prevail with great success.

I did however have a few things conspiring against me. For some STUPID reason (price) I bought another 'C' kite, I can't really swim which gave me a morbid fear kiting by myself and I had the natural board skills of Jabba the Hut. I'd never been able to skate, I never tried surfing (because I cant really swim) and I'm not the bravest soul ever to have been born to get out there and give 110% and damn the consequences.

I got another mate into kiting, who took to it like a duck to water and tried hopelessly for the whole 07 season to get up on a board, failing dismally in the process. For the life of me I couldnt bloody do it. I was out every day I wasnt working, trying in vain and was starting to seriously suffer from kite depression, to the point where I wasnt looking forward to another afternoon of failed kiting.

'07 came and went and if anything I had gained nothing apart from bigger thighs, the direct result of completing many shameful walks back up the beach after ending up a long way downwind.

'08 season came around, my mate who I introduced in the sport was out getting massive air's and I was in near the beach kiting in 2008 like the way I was in 07. I had managed to get a bit more confidence changing to a full chest impact vest with a spreader bar that had some decent flotation to it, to the point I was pretty confident going out by myself. I tried day after day to kite but still I couldnt do it for the life of me.

By a stroke of luck I damaged some of my equipment and borrowed my mates kite, an '07 Best Waroo and tried a new board. The change to a bow kite was instantanous. Screams of pleasure as I kited successfully were heard throughout china as they mobilised the red army in anticipation of an invasion from the crazy westerners. I immediately went out a bought 2008 Best Waroo and an Underground 132 board, not considering the fact I had no money, my credit card was almost maxxed out, interest rates were on the rise, I had a home loan repayment due and walked out with a brand new kite and NO BLOODY WIND.

The last couple of weeks I have been salavating at the chance of hitting the water before the end of the season and today *cue triumphant background music* for the first time I planed in complete control upwind. I still had a couple of stack's but I assured the cops that no one was getting tortured on the beach after people reported the cackle of mad laughter and bloodcurdling girlish screams.

I write this, knowing how really pathetic it is not having really anysort of positive kite result for the best part of 2 years. I write this to other beginners out there really bloody struggling, you will get there eventually. Stay away from the 'C' kite monster. My Waroo is so much easier to control with the depower, on advice from my mate I changed the stock turning settings to sloooooooow, which has really helped. I doubt my ability ever to pull of gnarly tricks but the pure joy I get from just bloody standing up on my board is better than the gratification nurses get from sticking enema's into their boyfriends when there least expecting it in the bedroom.

I just also wanted to say a big thankyou to all of my mates who kite, for not laughing in my face no matter how badly I performed, thinking I was a true chum........p and telling me to stick to it and not give up. You know who you are, no doubt.

While the season is almost done I hope to be riding the waves with you all soon......... Blokey.

Haha, very descriptive in some areas there Hurrah for you and your new found skills, obviously it just took a lil longer for things to click. Lets hope the wind sticks about for a little longer this season.

good on ya mate interesting reading too wont be long now and you will be bustin airs

Blokey, reading your story brought back memories of learning with an old C-kite (2 line, converted to a 4 line) bought on e-bay with slightly newer Stoner directional board (also from e-bay)
Great read and glad to hear you are up and away.
Thanks for taking the time to share.

Mate, not being able to swim, that is like the FIRST skill you need to have.

At St Kilda this Jan, got into a tangle with another guy, blew my chicken loop and then had my flag line cut by the other bloke's lines... my kite floated off to the beach without me and I reckon I had 200m swim, no board to paddle on and no kite to assist me.

I'm no brilliant swimmer but I was confident enough to get myself back to shore. At least my waist harness gave me some buoyancy.

If anyone remembers that incident thanks to those who grabbed my kite before it blew onto Beaconsfield Parade and the guy who found my board!

Beautiful story, *sob* brings a tear to my eye. Hopefully I can get up and planing before the season is out.

nice story.... the advice for newbies sounds a bit bias away from c-kites, I would of thought it was more of you get what you paid for and an outdated, old trashed c-kite is going to be as bad as the same in a bow, and a new anything is going to perform better.

Enjoy reading what you wrote, only ponder what others would have typed if it wasn’t so entertaining and candid reading.

Will play devils advocate and ask.... if you where a good (keyword here is "confident" swimmer) do you think the c kite would have been ok to have learnt on (considering three seasons ago there wasn’t much alternative)


I am thinking maybe it was to do with not wanting to go out too deep , not committing to the sport because the c kite was harder and more prone to crashes and slower to relaunch... the thing is a bow type kite can get you in a crap situation its just perceived to be safer because it has a larger depower, when reality they are prone to having things go wrong with bridles failure, more prone to inversions, one pumps systems failure (some c kites also have one pumps) and pulleys problems.. Not trying to get at the bow/sle versus c kite argument. I ride all three types and all have advantages as well as disadvantages over each other... bows/flats/sle kites are easier to learn on for sure but they offer a false sence of security to someone thats not water confident, if you’re not confident in swimming then dont think the high de-power more flat type kites out there won’t get you in strife, I would hate to think its just prelonging natural selection for you...as a person as well or as a kitersurfer whos kept at it for so long !

Good luck with it. But take the advice of others and become more confident in the water per say.

Whats wrong with Fuels?
Still one of the best kites around. U Guys are lucky you didnt have to learn on2 line Wipikas. Does anyone remember the funny little pumps that came with these kites? took about an hour to pump up!