Initially proposed at the UN, then punted down to ASEAN, CHOGM, the Shadow Men, and state parliament special committees.
Kiter Licensing Test (Draft only, please do not circulate to windsurfers)
Q1: When landing to blindside, your bunghole is pointed
A. upwind and backwards
B. downwind
C. puckered
D. upwind and forward
Q2: You are blissfully planing at 20 knots. You see a ferry headed straight towards you. Do you...
A. fall in
B. smile and wave at the ferry captain
C. cut downwind to launch off the wake
D. kiteloop over the ferry
Q3: You are invited to a complimentary stay at a Fiji kiting resort. Upon arrival you find the resort is still partially under construction. Do you
A. Trash the place
B. Trash the owner
C. HTFU & kite
D. Call a taxi to the nearest 5 star chain hotel.
Q4: When you see a kiter getting teabagged, you should help by shouting:
A. "Farken noob!"
B. "Submarine deeper!"
C. "Pull the QR!"
D. "Push with one hand and pull with the other!" 
Q5: Identify the proper sequence of events.
A. check seabreeze, drive/cycle/walk to beach, punch Werner, go to pub.
B. check seabreeze, kite, go to school
C. go to beach, cry at lack of wind, go home, check seabreeze.
D. check seabreeze, leave work, kite til dusk, attach glowsticks, kite til dawn.
Q6: Which of the following is the most important piece of safety equipment?
A. Cubenfibre
B. A donkey dick
C. Onepump
D. Boardies over the wetty.
Oh I can see this thread going on for a long time... 
q7) When there is no wind you should:
a) Go to the beach, sit around and moan about there not being any wind
b) Try the "I wonder what happens if we tow a kiter behind a jetski / boat" trick
c) Create a new username on seabreeze and troll away
d) Crank out the Nair
e) Spend time with your significant other to get brownie points for when there is wind (or alternatively try to dig yourself out of the hole for not having done anything around the house lately)
q8) You see someone in the water struggling to relaunch their kite, do you:
a) spray them with water
b) steal their board and take it upwind
c) boost over them
d) boost over their kite
e) all of the above
q9) "real" kites have:
a) 1 line
b) 2 lines
c) 3 lines
d) 4 lines
e) 5 lines
f) one million lines in the bridle
q10) when doing jumps and tricks, you should be looking:
a) at your kite
b) downwind for obstacles
c) upwind for kiters and kites about to hit you
d) at the hot guys / chick on the beach to see if he / she is looking
e) the camera
q11) The best spot to do wake style tricks is:
a) 5m off the beach, in the flat water between the swimmers
b) 5m off the beach, in the flat water between the swimmers
c) 5m off the beach, in the flat water between the swimmers
d) 5m off the beach, in the flat water between the swimmers
e) all of the above 
True/False section *
Q12: On a 4 line kite, the outside lines connect to the front of a kite.
Q13: Swapping the front and back lines on someone else's kite is champagne comedy.
Q14: Practicing how to use your quick release is for sissies.
Q15: Boardshorts on the outside of a wetsuit effectively hides unwanted erections.
Q16: Surf life savers are the enemy.
*Disclaimer-- only 15 is true.
Short answer section
Q17. Discuss the role of bow kites without using the word "gay".
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
Q18. (This question is reserved for waveslave's dry wit) Caaarn wavey!
True/False
Q12. When kiting with your Kiteboarding P Plates, you may kite with a kite no larger than 5m in size and only in winds up to 15knots
Q13. The only performance modifications allowed to your kite whilst on your Kiteboarding P Plates is extended the line lengths
Multiple Choice
Q14. P Plate kiteboards must use or carry:
a) a helmet,
b) impact vest
c) flares
d) life raft
e) all of the above
Q15. P Plate kiteboarders are allowed to move to an unrestricted license after:
a) 1 year
b) 2 years
c) 3 years
d) 4 years
Q16. Kiteboarders under 16 may only kite:
a) if their parents watching
b) a legal guardian less than 10m away
c) they are taking drugs and their parents don't care
PICK THE ODD ANSWER OUT
Q17: Euro and South american tourists to australia must
A. wear black budgie smugglers and a waist harness
B. identify flagged swimming areas and crash their kites into them
C. teach their friends to body drag upwind of aforementioned areas
D. argue in loud high pitched voices with local kiters whilst waving there arms
E. try to be cool and not create a scene
some of it........... like Q7 option c ...... or Q8 ....or Q11 ....................would be funny, but instead it is true and very very sad indictment on your sport. Sorry but it is.
Q18 When a poleboarder hijacks a kitesurf "humour" thread and demonstrates his lack of humour by trying to inject a serious note you should:
a. Ignore him, a witty repartee is clearly wasted on the fellow
b. Get out your asbestos suit and flame flame flame.
c. Invite him to learn the noble art of kitesurfing on that old school two string inflatable you have tucked away in your garage.
d. Take up windsurfing, not because you want to, but just to show him how easy it is, thereby downgrading his personal struggle...
Q19 When it suddenly starts blowing 40 knots and you find yourself out on the water with your 12m kite, you should
a. Pull hard on the red handle, and push the bar out...
b. Pull hard up on the lower red handle and start your long swim home
c. Breathe a sigh of relief that you wore the brown boardies today.
d. Get out your waterproof iphone, download that obscure thread on how to cut your 12m down to a 7m and do some quick modifications with your hook-knife.
Q20 What is the best way to make friends among the kiting community?
a. Assist launch people's kites when asked but let go of it just before they get theselves sorted
b. Assist land everyone who asks, especially the bikini clad young thing that clearly needs some words of wisdom from your years reading stuff on Seabreeze.
c. Pretend to ignore them and keep chatting up the bikini clad young thing that has need of your words at the nearest bar.
d. Stand at the waters edge where the entry point is with your kite at 12, chatting to your mate for 30 minutes.
Q21. On a scale of 1 to 5 how would you rate kitesurfing, 1 being "really boring" to 5 being "I'd rather be photographed coming out of a public toilet with George Michael"
Q22. Kiting was invented:
(a) by bored hawaiians after a big night on the p!ss and they now regret it
(b) to keep d!ckheads out of windsurfing (apologies to the inventor of the Ford v. Holden joke)
(c) to keep gay fellas fit so they can dance topless in cages at gay bars and look good for the Pride festival
(d) to give the "undies above the jeans backwards hat wearing crowd" something else stupid to wear (boardies over wettie) when the CK jocks and baseball hat are in the wash?
Wow revelation of all revelations, Mr Slave.
The troll of all trolls who comes to the WS forums to stir us up can only come up with that comment.
......OK
Mark wants me to crank up the war again. ^^^
"Unless you're a hot chick, riding a pole is fully gay."
lol.
It's about time some of the windsurfin crew came over here to rev things up.
HOOOOORRRRAAHHHH.
q23: It's all fun and games until...
a) you have to swim in from 2km out, and there is no-one else around
b) you have to be rescued by a kite surfer
c) you have to be rescued by a wind surfer
d) you have to be rescued by a life guard in an irb
e) the forum moderators start deleting posts / locking threads / banning forum users
And on a related note, to whom ever it applies:
I like the fact that "stupidity" is spelt incorrectly
Anyway I have seen the error of my ways, and apologise unreservedly.
Q24: Kiters and windsurfers should:
(a) recognise their differneces and rejoice in them
(b) hug each other a lot
(c) practise random acts of kindness toward one another
(d) put pictures of puppies and Hello Kitty logos on their gear and vans
(e) give way to each other without fear or favour
(f) all of the above
I feel warm and fuzzy now.
According to Waveslave, which of the following entities are selfish, greedy, powerhungry Hitler wannabees?
A. Steve, of Kitepower
B. Mark Australia
C. Anyone on a WAKSA/AKSA committee
D. All kiting teachers
E. All kiteshop owners
F. All of the above
G. Every particle in the known universe
H. None of the above. 
(edit)
oh all right...
I. forum moderators with names beginning with "P"
I have a feeling that Waveslave might be a member of the "People who hate people party" Lots of members, but hard to organise:
"People who hate people, come together!"
"What, is anyone else going to be there?"
"Yeah, of course"
"Screw that, I'm not going!"
<Apologies to Bill Hicks>
funniest thread ever!
mark dont worry too much about waveslave, its all about the reaction.
A "rooster tail" is important because
a. it indicates the genetic quality of poultry
b. it's sexy to hens
c. it gets bigger when you go fast
d. Steve sometimes has a really big one
The "butt check" is
a. a friendly greeting between bow-kiter lovers 
b. best performed with rubber gloves
c. a simple way to slow down when overpowered
d. the muscular contraction used to stifle a fart
e. an unwanted enema
f. the opposite of a poo stance
