For those of you also reading '50 Shades of Grey'. The next book..... '50 Shades of Mount Druitt'
Even though he only had one tattoo, I yearned him to fill the lonely hours between Dr Phil and Days of Our Lives. As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of a Nike vest, his smile told me it was dole day, and I knew my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight. As I stood in line at the job centre, thinking up reasons why I can...'t work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, sweat and Lynx Africa! I turned and there he was, Dwayne, with his pants halfway down his arse, our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his staffy to a post in an alleyway so we would not be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery. I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus.
Should publish that SP
The real thing is a dud . Arrived yesterday wifey read 5 chapters while I had a few rumbos and watched the AFL in preparation . And then , and then
I fell asleep , what can I say , boring game .
50 shades of grey did nothing for my sex life .
It's a dud
I wish I could take credit for, I think OBCT would be the only wordsmith in here near capable of producing such funny stuff. 
Maybe it gets better towards the end Tassie 
Books ??????? - pfffffffffft[}:)]
1. Some good chocolate - dark/white/milk chocoloate
2. Good quantity of Maraschino cherries , pre soaked in Galliano
3. Good quantity of Fresh Strawberries also pre-soaked in Galliano
4. Excellent quality bottle of Champers for her
5. The rest of the Galliano
* Optional Whipped Cream & Crushed Nuts
Pre-requisits: 1 x Female
Step 1: Chuck the cat & Hound out , flog any rugrats off to their Granders & lock the front door , close the curtains as Weiry may be on the prowl with his Bike-cam Melt chocolate and drizzle extravagantly on Female - careful its not too hot , she'll bitch & moan that you've deliberately burnt her the caper will be up
Step 2: place cheeries & strawberries any where ye please & add a liberal dash of the Galliano on top of these - it is at this stage you may add cream and crushed nuts are also good to make the tart a tastier morsel.
Step 3: Fill glassware to the brim with the good Champers (make sure the glass is spotlessly clean or she'll chuck a wobbly at ya and it'll be cactus for rastus)
Step 4: Roll out toungue and lick like shiz ..... do it tenderly and swiftly before she changes her mind and do not forget to tell her you love her at least twice or you got no hope
Step 5: If you fark up the above - there isn't one
There was a story in our paper today,you know the section were readers write in and ask a question.
This guy has been married for 10 years said sex was boring at best after his wife read the book sex was all time she became an animal and he loved it until she asked, how about we go to a club? he replied saying so you want to watch me having sex with another women meaning swingers club,she said no a bondage club,now the guy is saying his marriage won't last because he feels he can no longer for fill her sexually needs.
I take it for that recipe of yours to work pup you would need one of these, a hairless pussy
Boyfriend squirted partner with brown sauce when she refused to stop reading Fifty Shades of Grey
A man has appeared in court after taking revenge on his girlfriend who refused to stop reading the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey - by squirting brown sauce at her face. Raymond Hodgson, 31, was charged with common assault after being appalled to discover that his partner of five years, Emma McCormick, had been reading the racy book.
Carlisle Magistrates' Court heard how their tiff over the book escalated to the point where Hodgson, from Carlisle, Cumbria, decided take to his revenge.
In court, Hodgson pleaded guilty to the single charge of common assault.
Prosecutor Adrienne Harris said the couple began arguing on June 25 after McCormick began reading extracts from the best-selling novel by E L James - now the fastest selling book of the year.
The pair had been in a relationship for four or five years, though both still live with their respective parents.
Miss Harris said: "Mr Hodgson thought that the book was pornographic, and that she should not read such literature.
"The argument continued into the following day, with the two exchanging text messages."
That conversation, which included some discussion of private family issues, left Hodgson feeling angry.
Mrs Harris said: "He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce.
"She answered the door and the argument continued.
"She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce."
When interviewed by the police, Hodgson said he felt Fifty Shades of Grey was a 'distasteful' and 'pornographic' book.
Miss Harris said: "He said he had every intention of squirting sauce over Miss McCormick, but he now regrets having done this, realising how stupid it sounds.
"He didn't realise that the sauce incident would be classed as an assault. He is sorry for his actions."
Malcolm Dodds, defending, said his client denies slapping Emma McCormick.
He named the book the couple fell out over 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'
Mr Dodds said: "He lost his temper and went round to her home armed with a bottle of brown sauce, which he should never have done.
"Emma says it stung her eyes and it was all over the walls, which she had to clean up afterwards. I've spoken to Raymond and he's extremely sorry about it.
"He was angry that she suggested he slapped her because he hadn't. But they are now friends and they have been in touch with each other."
Passing sentence, District Judge Gerald Chalk said Hodgson's actions had clearly been intended to demean Miss McCormick.
He ordered that he should pay his victim £100 compensation and £85 towards prosecution costs.
The judge also imposed a 6pm to 8am curfew for the next six weeks and a six-month community order.
Asked about his views of the book after the case, Hodgson said he thought Fifty Shades of Grey was 'wrong'.
He said that he did what he did to Miss McCormick to show her what saucy really meant.
trust me
trust me
Don't go wasting your hard earned on the book boys and girls.
Now you can write you own
www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/
What exquisitely beautiful writing.
No wonder the all de wimins get all frothy at the gussets
Ha ha, I was taking it down as you posted, it was a bit... Risqué
But well worth a look
Yeah and I didn't put up the real bad one either 
I couldn't believe the filth that it was generating, every time you clicked the button it just spits out more ...
So did tassisdevil end up benefitting from his lady reading this book? He has been a bit quiet of late - maybe his spare time is taken up these days....
Now SP I missed ya post....if you outit up it should really stay unless it's offensive to people....so paste it back pls
I loved this metaphor.
"I was wetter than an Italian cruise ship"
Oh lordy lordy I laughed.
