Seabreeze forums finally gave Reynold his eureka moment.
For although he had known for a while that to go fast you needed a composite polished outer and matte inner to create a toroidal vortex producing lift with no drag, it was only the seabreeze-illuminati that made him realise black was faster than red.
Mouth guard... Checked.
Budgie smuggler ... Checked
Air pressure ... Checked
Ball guard ... Oh my God !!!!
Doctor GroinMann: "Mr. Butt, you suffer from an unusually brutal blow to your lower region. Your have bruised upper thighs, massive loss of skin on your behinds, and worse of all, badly swollen testicles ! Are you a rodeo rider by any chance ?"
Mr. Butt: "No doctor. I am a Tube Rider."
And the winner is Terminal with his 77 remedies for constipation...
.runners up Gestalt with his 2 rings and Sausage with his "knarly day must have been a 45psi.."
Go to it Terminal.